at home and homesick

being hydrated isn’t always a good thing. sure it’s optimal when 9000 feet above sea level in Estes Park, Colorado, but when you’re home in Anaheim, hydrating yourself just makes the tears fall faster.

i’ve only been home since 4 this afternoon, but i’ve had puffy eyes since before that at the airport in Denver. i’ve realized that nothing makes me feel worse than the feelings that come with saying goodbyes. i hate the feeling of waiting to say goodbye to those I love, i hate the feeling of nostalgia for something i no longer have with me, i hate the feeling of anticipation knowing things will be different once goodbyes are said and done.

today during my flight, I sat in the window seat and jotted down every memory I could think of from summer project while randomly glancing outside only to think of the next thing I could write. three full pages of bullet-pointed memories and quotes from some of my favorite people now sit contently in my notebook so I can read them whenever I feel like and hopefully relive, if only for a moment, some of those memories.

since i’ve been sitting here on my bed with tears dripping down my cheeks, I’ve prayed to God that He’ll provide me with strength to live out some of the things I learned at Lifelines and that He’ll protect those 35 other amazing people I lived with and learned from. I’ve also been wallowing in fear of what the next two months at home could be like with no fellowship with other believers, with no grace and truth environment, with no strength to open up to those who truly love me. that is why I need strength from above because I fear I won’t have any now that I am away from Shayla, from Kaitlin, from Mark.

summer project was definitely the most fun and worthwhile month of my life, so I hope and pray that I’ll be able to live out what I learned and forever keep my 16 other lifeliners in my heart.

C’est la vie,
Chappie

lacking support for support

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13

It sucks when your parents don’t support the things you feel really passionately about doing. It sucks even harder when they have absolutely no faith in you.

I am so stoked for going to Colorado this summer for Campus Crusade. I wasn’t even going to apply had Caellin not asked me about it a week before the application was due. God’s been putting this on my heart for the past few months though, and now that I have this opportunity to go and learn how He can use me to build stronger relationships, there’s no way I’m NOT going. The letters for support are in the mail, phone-calls will be made, I’m ready to start compiling the mission fund.

But today Mom told me that if I don’t raise enough money for the trip, I’m basically not going. Period. She’s not even looking into plane tickets to issue her frequent flyer miles for because she “doesn’t want to waste her points on a trip I might not be going on.” Ummm ouch. Thanks for the faith. “I’m glad you’re really optimistic about raising the money to go, Kayla, but you have to be realistic here.” Hmmm, double ouch.

Even when I raise the money I need, even when I do go on this summer project, I will be crushed knowing that my parents (or mom at least), wasn’t behind me nearly as much as I thought she’d be. What am I supposed to do with that? And why am I even surprised? This is nothing new…

Good thing I’ve got God to fill that void of support. Pray for me, pray that I get the support I am seeking, pray for my parents that they turn their attitudes toward the positive.

C’est la vie,
Chappie