from such great heights

sometimes you need to “de-friend” in order to be a friend.

Posted in life by chapwoman on October 24, 2009

this is not a post about “why facebook will ruin your life” (because it won’t) and this is not a post about “why you should get rid of your facebook” (because maybe you shouldn’t).  this post is, however, a formal response to the recent question “Kayla, did you delete your facebook?”

yes, friends (or rather, my recently “de-friended” friends).
i did the unbelievable.
i deleted–(don’t say it!)–facebook.

it’s for the best, really, and i had been thinking about deleting (or “deactivating”) fb for a while. but my ultimate decision stemmed from an insightful conversation with a studio-mate who is extremely social, yet doesn’t have a facebook. he intrigued me from the start.

for one, i don’t need a facebook. i really don’t.  yes, it’s a great tool for keeping in touch with people you haven’t seen in ages (sorry my summer project buddies! i do miss you!) but everyone has a phone number and email address.  yes, it’s an easy way to know who’s planning what party or campus crusade event, but personal invites are 1000-times more genuine. even if i hear about it through the grapevine, it’s still more genuine than clicking a button that reads “yes, i’m attending.” and yes, it’s an excellent way to document photos. but the phrase “just tag me!” doesn’t apply anymore–i now make an effort to hang out with friends and to get those photos in-person.  hello there, social life.

also, i’m already a blogger and a flickr (er?).  i cleeeeaaaarly don’t need another cyber tool to document my life. i’m already here.

second, i realized i was losing touch with people i truly care about.  I would resort to a “wall post” rather than a phone call, an extended “message” rather than an email, “facebook chat” rather than a coffee date.  in fact (this is probably true for you too), i found that my strongest friendships were with people i unintentionally avoided on facebook.  i don’t remember the last time i visited Alaska’s page or Katie’s page  or even my roommates’ pages.  why?  because there isn’t a need to creep on those people you know the deepest.

that’s another point…facebook stalking. waste. of. time. on average, I’d spend 15-30 minutes a day browsing facebook, reading wall posts I don’t need to read and creeping on photos of people I barely know, leaving me slightly uneasy with my role as an “innocent by-stalker.” it’s impossible to NOT be!  you can’t help but read the “change of relationship” statuses and ambiguous one-line updates (which, by the way, are tempting topics of judgmental conversation).  i would just rather not see those one-liners.  i’d just rather not have those conversations.

so there you go–in a nutshell–my reasons for going off the facebook grid. just to clarify though, i am neither against facebook nor am i trying to persuade you to get rid of yours. this is just me and my thoughts.  i’ve not gone through withdrawals and i’ve not missed those 15-30 minutes of creeping; i’ve actually become a LOT more productive.  but i am still out of the loop with some events, missing birthday after birthday i’m sure, and periodically long to peruse photos of old friends while they are away at school.  but as bridges burn with friends i thought i knew, and others build where friendships were already established, i understand more about this life.

i understand the shortcomings of public information. i understand the value of intentional relationship. i understand more about who i am. and i understand more about who you are too, that you and your mind are worth infinitely more than what facebook can ever portray.

so let’s hang out.

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One Response

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  1. albertgoestoparis said, on October 27, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    yo kayla!

    thanks for being a fan of my blog, i enjoy your comments and your blog is bomb, but you already knew that. just wanted to return the favor.

    facebook is overrated.


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