from such great heights

at last

Posted in life by chapwoman on June 15, 2009

june_1

i’ve been praying for this moment when i just sit down with mental images, with keyboard, with silence, able to exhale the stress of two months past & finally inhale a fragrant summer morning.

first breath: the long strand of days which made up “second year” is finally over.
never again will i pack my daily schedule with that many “to-do” items.  i’ve learned that God wants us to say NO to some things & our trust in Him is revealed when we do.  when we fail to say “no,” our days become years full of rushed mornings and malnutrition and so-so work performance and so-so school performance and lack of exercise and monday-night headaches and weekend studio hours and weakened friendships.  NO. ne-ver. again.

second breath: i sucked at relationships this year.
i sucked at calling friends to hang out, i sucked at initiating hard conversations, i sucked at asking people how they were really doing, i sucked at caring.  i sucked at being there.  the thing about busy schedules is that they don’t allow much “relationship” time.  friend time? yes. real conversations with big cups of coffee? not so much.  i feel ashamed for putting friends on the back-burner this year, for assuming they would last without any real effort on my part, and now it’s time to start repairing broken ties, because i’ve been getting “fix-it” tickets all year long.

third breath: through the bad, YOU remain so, so GOOD.
thank you for grace. thank you for peace. thank you for prayer, for new friendships, for laughter amongst stress.  for morning jogs when my legs were stiff from camping in studio, for roommates who understood and didn’t judge, for friends who flew out from ohio to visit for a week. thank you for testing my faith, for providing me with words during spritual conversations, for a wonderful group of girls in sequoia.  thank you for the flexible, on-campus job.  thank you for new crushes. thank you for the divine gift of time-management. and i thank you, again, for grace.

second-year, you were a rollercoaster.  i will not write about you a lovely nostalgic blog to match that of my first-year in the dorm, but i will take your mistakes and the morals of your story, reciting them until i’m blue in the face & sure that third year will never repeat you.  you weren’t so bad, but you weren’t so good.

last breath: reflection feels like drinking a glass of water.

_chappie

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2 Responses

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  1. Shayla said, on June 16, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Love you girl. Can you believe we met a year ago? :)

  2. bj said, on June 17, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    the smiley face in top right corner is the highlight of my day.

    and your last breath is totally true. so well written and articulated. i love it!


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