from such great heights

I quit.

Posted in life by chapwoman on June 30, 2008

I am emotionally overloaded.

Although this Lifelines in Colorado is where I should be because it’s where God has called me to grow this summer, it’s draining me of any and every emotion I’ve been feeling the past few days. Here at the High Peak Camp, our facilitators and coaches expect us to talk about our feelings and speak the truth to each other, which is imperative for any real bonding to happen. But it’s expected ALL THE TIME. I’m beginning to feel the effects of this “emotional bootcamp” as I’ve nicknamed it.

Last night our group of 17 had a pow-wow, a serious meeting, about a conflict that went down at the laundromat earlier in the afternoon. Fortunately, I wasn’t at the laundromat to experience it first-hand, so I didn’t feel any pressure to add to the discussion. But as everyone was sharing their side of the story, I felt an internal switch click “off”. I was done with the “let’s chat about our feelings” and the “how did you feel about that?” questions. Part of it was that I couldn’t relate to the discussion at all, part of it was that I feel like I haven’t truly connected with anyone here.

I feel like I know a lot of other students’ stories, but they don’t know mine. I know what some of the girls struggle with, what irks their souls, but they have no idea what irks mine…and that’s where I feel a disconnect. Sadly, I’m too emotionally drained to really go there with my own issues and I don’t really care about opening up at this point. I’m praying that God lifts my spirits, that He shows me the right avenue to share my thoughts with people, so we’ll see what happens.
C’est la vie,


One Response

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  1. Anna Clauson said, on July 2, 2008 at 9:07 pm

    dear friend of mine…i’m home now, and i have finally received your beautiful postcard and caught up on your blog! sounds like a lot is going on in mountain world. and also that you are learning a lot about yourself (which i cannot wait to hear about!!). know that i am praying for you, that even in the midst of exhaustion and apathy, god will work and teach and provide. love you.

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