from such great heights

number six

Posted in life by chapwoman on February 25, 2008

“It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.” -Henry Rollins

Lately, I’m starting to see the signs of another fallout with someone I once called a friend. Another fallout. It hasn’t happened yet, but the forecast definitely shows one happening again. Why does this happen? And why does it happen so often?

I’m thinking back to my blogging history and how many times I’ve written on the subject of fallouts. To clarify, a “fallout” is when you no longer call someone a friend, or realize that things aren’t how they used to be, or that you’ve lost something you once had. “So-and-so” just kinda falls off the face of the earth. Well, off the face of your earth.

To be exact, I’ve written about it five times in the history of my online authorship, more than any other topic. And each time, I’d felt so sure of myself & confident that the moving-on part was worth my while. I’m a firm believer that those who bring you down need to pick up their things and start walking. Oprah once advised that you should “surround yourself only with those who will lift you higher.” That’s exactly what I do. But it isn’t easy shutting someone out of your life, especially when there’s a history to be erased. I had been soo confident, so confident that the relationships weren’t worth my while. But

Now I’m beginning to wonder.

How would life be different had I not given up on him? Would I be the same person had I kept her closer in my circle of friends? Is my life really as great as I thought it would be without him? It’s only natural to wonder, I’m certain. Especially when in retrospect, some of the best times of my life involved the ones I let fade away from me. It seems like in the history of my fallouts, I’ve let go of some the greatest potential I’d ever seen. I miss them. I miss her laugh, I miss his smile, I miss all those heartfelt conversations where we delved deep and gained new wisdom.

And what about all that time spent with people who seemed to be good friends at the time, but never developed beyond casual acquaintance? I’m an expert at spending too much time on the wrong relationships and not enough on those which really need attention and care. Let’s start thinking beyond the present, shall we?

I have wrestled with the idea of rekindling these lost relationships, calling them back to see if we have anything left to rebuild friendships on, or even start new ones. But I fear that they’ve moved on. I fear their lives have changed and they’ve gained new friends. Maybe they’ve replaced me and forgotten. Maybe they haven’t. Who knows if I’ll actually reach out to them…I should probably start by preventing the current fallout from happening.

Friendships are fragile. Combine them with my impatience, and they crack.

C’est la vie,
Chappie

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